I’m Paradoxical

I long for happiness, yet my mind keeps wandering to sorrow.
I crave attention and connection, yet I isolate myself
when I can’t understand my own emotions.

There are countless things I want to share,
but I choose silence instead.
I love helping others with their struggles,
yet when I’m the one in need, I can’t lift myself up.

I crave love, but when it comes, I push it away.
I love to listen, but rarely reveal what I truly feel.
I give advice that I can never seem to follow.
My mind says I don’t care—
but deep down, I do.
I care more than I’ll ever admit.

I dream big, but laziness keeps me anchored.
I overthink endlessly—
a storm of thoughts about nothing and everything.
I have friends, yet sometimes,
it feels like I have no one at all.

I say “it is what it is,“
even when I’m drowning in regret.
I show no emotion when they speak ill of me,
but their words cut deeper than knives.

I see beauty in the smallest things,
yet I’m a pessimist when facing the world.
I’m paradoxical—
a conflicted contradiction,
a mind at war with its own heart.

It’s hard to live this way—
not knowing what I truly want,
letting uncertainty make the choices I can’t.
It’s like playing Russian roulette
and letting fate pull the trigger.

It feels like being imprisoned
by my own indecision,
bound by choices I can’t make.
”Whatever happens, happens”—
my silent motto,
spoken by someone who wishes
they could finally choose for themselves.